My daughter is two and a half and she is in charge. She decides what we eat, when we leave the house and which shoe goes on first. If I get any of it wrong, she lies face down on the floor and screams like I've betrayed her family. My wife and I used to have careers and opinions. Now we have a small dictator with a sippy cup. Is this normal or are we doing something wrong?
— Dad of One, BristolCongratulations. You are living under a regime. The regime is 90 centimetres tall, cannot reach the light switch and has never once paid rent.
This is normal, which is the bad news. Your daughter has discovered she’s a separate person, and like every newly independent state, her first act is to overthrow the old government. That’s you. You were the old government. You lost in a bloodless coup over a blue cup.
You used to have careers and opinions. Now you negotiate shoe order with someone who still thinks the bath is a threat, and you lose.
The face-down screaming isn’t proof you’ve failed. It’s proof she feels safe enough to fall apart in front of you, which is touching, and also the only compliment you’ll receive until she’s thirty and explaining your mistakes to her own children.
Grain of sense, from someone who never wanted to give one: offer small choices you can live with either way. “Red shoe or blue shoe first?” She gets to feel like a dictator. You get to leave the house. You will not get your careers back. Those left with the sleep.