I'M NOT LAZY. I'M ENERGY EFFICIENT.
T-SHIRT
Energy Efficient Tee
For people who have been conserving resources since the moment they woke up.
$24 SOON
MERCHANDISE / NOT YET FOR SALE
THE GIFT SHOP OF REGRET
T-shirts, mugs, posters, stickers, desk cards and notebooks. Coming soon. Like your big break.
PROFESSIONALLY DISAPPOINTING.
MUG
Professionally Disappointing Mug
Holds coffee, tea, and other people's expectations, in roughly that order.
$14 SOON
TRUST THE PROCESS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE PROCESS IS.
POSTER
Trust The Process Poster
Ideal for any office that has a process and nobody who can explain it.
$19 SOON
MY FIVE-YEAR PLAN IS TO SURVIVE FIVE YEARS.
NOTEBOOK
Five-Year Plan Notebook
Eighty lined pages, seventy-nine of which will remain beautifully blank.
$12 SOON
MOTIVATION IS TEMPORARY. REGRET IS FOREVER.
DESK CARD
Regret Desk Card
Sits on your desk and tells colleagues everything they need to know before they ask.
$9 SOON
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. THEN LOWER THEM AGAIN.
STICKER
Lowered Expectations Sticker
Fits neatly on a laptop, a water bottle, or the top of a CV.
$4 SOON
I SURVIVED THE THIRD REPLY-ALL.
T-SHIRT
Third Reply-All Tee
A quiet tribute to everyone who was CC'd and lived to tell nobody about it.
$24 SOON
LET'S CIRCLE BACK TO NEVER.
MUG
Circle Back Mug
Designed to be sipped from slowly while someone shares the wrong screen.
$14 SOON
IT'S MONDAY. I'VE ALREADY USED UP MY PERSONALITY.
MUG
Monday Personality Mug
Large enough for the coffee, not quite large enough for the week.
$15 SOON
THERE ARE NO QUICK QUESTIONS.
DESK CARD
Quick Question Desk Card
Place facing outwards for best results and fewer visitors.
$9 SOON
THOUGHTS I SHOULD NOT SAY OUT LOUD
NOTEBOOK
Things I Shouldn't Say Notebook
A safe home for ideas that must never reach the group chat.
$12 SOON
AIM LOW. HIT IT EVERY TIME.
POSTER
Aim Low Poster
Motivational art for people with a realistic relationship with targets.
$19 SOON
PER MY LAST EMAIL.
T-SHIRT
Per My Last Email Tee
Communicates a full paragraph of restraint without you having to open your mouth.
$26 SOON
CURRENTLY AVOIDING SMALL TALK.
STICKER
Small Talk Sticker
Wear it on your jumper at parties and watch the room politely part.
$3 SOON
MY COMFORT ZONE HAS SNACKS.
T-SHIRT
Comfort Zone Tee
Soft cotton for people with no plans to leave the comfort zone this financial year.
$24 SOON
I DID ONE ADULT THING TODAY. PLEASE CLAP.
STICKER
One Adult Thing Sticker
A reward system for paying a bill on the first reminder.
$5 SOON
RISE AND SHINE. OR DON'T. I'M A POSTER.
POSTER
Rise Or Don't Poster
Hang it opposite the bed for a gentle daily absence of pressure.
$18 SOON
MENTALLY OUT OF OFFICE.
DESK CARD
Mentally Out Of Office Desk Card
Accurate most days and legally binding on Friday afternoons.
$9 SOON
MY LIFE CHOICES: A FIELD JOURNAL.
NOTEBOOK
Field Journal Notebook
Includes space for notes, regrets, and doodles made during meetings you weren't needed in.
$13 SOON
ZACK DOESN'T BELIEVE IN YOU EITHER.
T-SHIRT
Zack Doesn't Believe In You Tee
The official uniform of people who don't need a pep talk, they need a nap.
$25 SOON
Newsletter / Issue No. 444
TELL ME WHEN I CAN BUY THIS
The shop opens when the merch exists. Join the list and be first to spend money on sarcasm.
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