Skip to content (we won't be offended)

VOL. 13 · No. 4,610 FRIDAY, 30 OCTOBER 2026 PRICE: YOUR OPTIMISM SUBSCRIBE

The world's least qualified life coach. (allegedly)

Search

Daily
Ask Zack
Magazine
Sadist Times
Corporate
Developer
GenZ
Bad Advice
Hall of Shame
Shop

TOOLS ▾

Make Your Character (GenZ)
Ruin My Day
Court of Bad Decisions
Future Predictor
Should I Text Them?
Quote Generator
Unnecessary Statistics
Meme Generator
Personalized Demotivation

BREAKING (DOWN)

PHONE UPDATE MOVES EVERY BUTTON USER HAD ONLY JUST LEARNED; MANUFACTURER CALLS IT “DELIGHT” 3 days is how long a missed-delivery card stays on the fridge before the parcel is presumed lost. The courier has a photo of your door. He has never seen your face. WOMAN’S HOUSEPLANT OUTLIVES THIRD NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION, EXPECTED TO OUTLIVE HER TOO NEIGHBOURHOOD GROUP CHAT SPENDS NINE DAYS INVESTIGATING LOUD BANG; COUNCIL STILL HASN’T REPLIED LOCAL MAN MONEYMAXXES HIS WAY TO $3.12 IN CASHBACK, SPENDS 400 HOURS OF FINITE LIFE DOING IT 1 in 4 adults owns a drawer of cables for devices they no longer have. Their next of kin will empty it, still confused. 100% of these statistics were made up. Still more accurate than your horoscope, your pension forecast and your five-year plan. 3 in 5 "urgent" emails resolve themselves if left alone for a day. The other two resolve themselves when you leave the company. EMPLOYEE SPENDS THREE HOURS PREPARING FOR MEETING THAT GETS CANCELLED; HOURS WILL NOT BE RETURNED LANDLORD DESCRIBES DAMP CUPBOARD AS “COSY STUDIO WITH CHARACTER,” RAISES RENT ON IT TWICE PHONE UPDATE MOVES EVERY BUTTON USER HAD ONLY JUST LEARNED; MANUFACTURER CALLS IT “DELIGHT” 3 days is how long a missed-delivery card stays on the fridge before the parcel is presumed lost. The courier has a photo of your door. He has never seen your face. WOMAN’S HOUSEPLANT OUTLIVES THIRD NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION, EXPECTED TO OUTLIVE HER TOO NEIGHBOURHOOD GROUP CHAT SPENDS NINE DAYS INVESTIGATING LOUD BANG; COUNCIL STILL HASN’T REPLIED LOCAL MAN MONEYMAXXES HIS WAY TO $3.12 IN CASHBACK, SPENDS 400 HOURS OF FINITE LIFE DOING IT 1 in 4 adults owns a drawer of cables for devices they no longer have. Their next of kin will empty it, still confused. 100% of these statistics were made up. Still more accurate than your horoscope, your pension forecast and your five-year plan. 3 in 5 "urgent" emails resolve themselves if left alone for a day. The other two resolve themselves when you leave the company. EMPLOYEE SPENDS THREE HOURS PREPARING FOR MEETING THAT GETS CANCELLED; HOURS WILL NOT BE RETURNED LANDLORD DESCRIBES DAMP CUPBOARD AS “COSY STUDIO WITH CHARACTER,” RAISES RENT ON IT TWICE

INDEX OF DISAPPOINTMENTS

Search

Daily
Ask Zack
Magazine
Sadist Times
Corporate
Developer
GenZ
Bad Advice
Hall of Shame
Shop

TOOLS

Make Your Character (GenZ)
Ruin My Day
Court of Bad Decisions
Future Predictor
Should I Text Them?
Quote Generator
Unnecessary Statistics
Meme Generator
Personalized Demotivation

BANK OF AURA / FORM GZ-05

THE AURA BANK

Your monthly aura statement. Please sit down before reading.

LOADING THE FORM. THE FORM IS ALSO TIRED.

NEXT DEPARTMENT (YOU WERE WARNED)

Make Your Character →Get Schooled →Screen Time Autopsy →Soundtrack Sentencing →ALL DEPARTMENTS

“The world's least qualified life coach.”

We don't solve problems.
We make them slightly funnier.

Social accounts: pending. Zack is avoiding people.

THE OFFICE

About Zack
Contact
Blog
Ask Zack
Archives
The Aging Department
Newsletter
Submit
Privacy
Terms
Disclaimer

TOOLS NOBODY NEEDED

Make Your Character (GenZ)
Ruin My Day
Court of Bad Decisions
Future Predictor
Should I Text Them?
Quote Generator
Unnecessary Statistics
Meme Generator
Personalized Demotivation

THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT

One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, from someone you shouldn't listen to.

Email address

Website

⚠

This website contains satire, sarcasm, jokes and intentionally questionable advice. Please do not make important life decisions based on anything Zack says.

© 2014–2026 ZackTheSadist. All rights reserved. All wrongs also reserved. Printed on recycled disappointment.

☠Ruin my day ❝Today ?Ask Zack