I'm in a group chat with my four closest friends from university. Whenever I post something, nobody replies. Then an hour later someone posts a meme and gets nine laughing faces. I've started drafting messages and deleting them because I don't want to be left on read again. I know it's silly, but it's making me feel like the friend everyone tolerates. Am I overthinking this?
— Lauren, 32Yes. Overthinking is just thinking with nobody there to stop you.
Group chats are not a fair test of friendship. They’re chaotic little rooms where messages are judged on timing and whether they contain a dog in a hat. Your thoughtful paragraph went out while four people were on a bus, in a meeting, on the toilet and asleep. The meme landed as everyone sat down with a sandwich.
Nobody is counting who gets replies. Nobody except the person not getting them, who is you, with a spreadsheet you’ll never admit exists.
And let’s be honest about the drafting and deleting. You’re editing messages for four people who’ve known you since university and watched you at your absolute worst in a kebab shop. They are not an audience. Stop auditioning.
Grain of sense: skip the group. Message one friend directly, with a specific plan on a specific day. One-to-one is where friendships actually live. The group chat is the lobby, and nobody has ever made a friend in a lobby.
And if you post and nobody replies, assume they’re on the toilet. Statistically, one of them is. The rest read it and decided it didn’t need a reply, which is the closest a group chat ever gets to a compliment.