My kids are 8 and 11 and they would happily spend every waking hour on a tablet or a games console. Every time I try to limit it there's a huge row. The thing is, I'm on my phone a lot too, and my 11-year-old has started pointing this out, loudly, in front of other parents. I feel like a hypocrite. How do I fix their screen time when mine isn't great either?
— Mum of Two, CardiffYour 11-year-old has found the most devastating weapon in any family argument: being right, in public, in front of other parents.
Children ignore what you say and copy what you do. You can give a beautiful speech about screen time, but if you deliver it while scrolling, they’ll remember the scrolling. They’ll bring it up in the eulogy.
You’re asking how to fix their screen time on the exact device you’re complaining about. Put it down to read the answer. You won’t.
Make it a family rule, not a children’s rule. Phones in a basket at dinner, yours included. A screen-free hour before bed, yours included. You will hate this far more than they do. You’ll reach for your pocket like a smoker on a long-haul flight, and your 8-year-old will log it as evidence.
Let them help write the rules. Kids complain less about laws they voted for. And give them something else to do, because “go outside and play” is not a plan, it’s a threat.
That’s the grain of sense. Here’s the insult attached: you’re not a hypocrite because you’re on your phone. You’re a hypocrite because you’re on your phone and still expected the speech to work.