08:15. Coach leaves the office car park. It smells of crisps and quiet resentment. Someone from Marketing has brought a speaker. This is the first act of violence of the day.
09:30. Arrive at a “rural activity centre”. It is a field with a gazebo. We’re greeted by Gavin, whose fleece says ENERGY. Gavin has never had a bad day. Gavin is paid more per day than I am. I do not trust him.
09:45. Icebreaker. “A fun fact nobody knows about you.” I say I once met a weather presenter. My manager says he did an Ironman. He has said this weekly since 2019. It’s no longer a fact nobody knows. It’s a fact nobody can escape, like death, or his Ironman.
Morning Activities
10:30. Raft-building. Four barrels, some rope, a sense of urgency. Finance try to set a budget. IT wander off to look at the knots. Raft completed 11:40. Sinks 11:41. Gavin calls it “a learning”. So will the board, about our department, in March.
Nothing builds trust like watching your Head of Procurement sink slowly into a pond, still holding a clipboard, still not approving your invoice.
12:30. Lunch. Sixty people, forty sandwiches. Team spirit ends here. A senior director pockets two egg-and-cress. Nobody speaks. This is the org chart, in bread.
Afternoon Activities
14:00. Trust fall. I fall backwards towards Darren from Compliance. Darren is on his phone. I learn more about trust in that half-second than in four years of employment. The ground is honest. The ground catches everyone eventually.
15:30. Reflection circle. What did we learn? Someone says “that we’re stronger together”. Someone says “that I’m allergic to this field”. Both get applause. Only one is true.
17:45. Back at the office. 212 unread emails. Several are from people who were on the raft, asking for updates on the work they stopped me doing.
17:46. Calendar invite from HR for Monday, 9am. Title: “Team Update”. I feel very bonded. Mostly to my desk, which I am told is being “consolidated”.