How to Be More Productive Without Producing Anything

Productivity is a multi-billion dollar industry, and almost all of it exists to help people organise things they will never do.

I’ve tried every system. Bullet journals. Time blocking. Getting up at 5am, which I can confirm is just 7am with fewer friends and the same inbox. Each one worked brilliantly for exactly as long as it took to set up.

One day you’ll be gone, and your to-do list will still say “sort out pension.”

The method below doesn’t make you productive. It makes you feel like you were about to be, which is the entire business model.

1. STEP 1Download a productivity app.
2. STEP 2Spend Sunday customising it.
3. STEP 3Choose a colour for every type of task, including "relaxing."
4. STEP 4Add "be productive" as a task. Mark it urgent.
5. STEP 5Watch a 40-minute video about a man who wakes at 4am and owns nothing.
6. STEP 6It is now Sunday evening. The weekend is gone. It was the only one you had this month.
7. STEP 7Start fresh Monday. Again. For the rest of your working life.