How to Budget (And Watch the Numbers Leave)

Budgeting is the financial equivalent of opening a letter from the tax office. Everyone agrees it’s important. Nobody wants to see the number.

A good budget tells you exactly where your money goes. That’s the problem. Most people already have a rough idea, and the rough idea is far less upsetting than the exact one. Nobody needs to know they spent $340 on coffee in a month. That’s between you and the coffee, and the coffee is winning.

Rent goes up. Wages go sideways. Your budget is a spreadsheet documenting a slow-motion robbery.

Still, if you want to try, here’s the most common method. Millions have used it. Several finished.

1. STEP 1Download a budgeting spreadsheet.
2. STEP 2Enter all of your income. It takes one row.
3. STEP 3Enter all of your expenses. It takes four tabs.
4. STEP 4Close the spreadsheet immediately.
5. STEP 5Open your banking app with one eye shut.
6. STEP 6See the word "pending" next to something you don't remember buying.
7. STEP 7Decide budgeting starts next month.
8. STEP 8It is now eleven years later. Budgeting starts next month.