The phrase “we should hang out sometime” is one of the most widespread species in modern social life. It is warm. It is polite. It has never, in recorded history, resulted in anyone hanging out. It is how friendships are buried without a ceremony.
Habitat
It is found at the end of things. The end of a wedding. The end of a supermarket encounter by the yoghurts with someone you once shared a flat with. The end of a leaving do at 11:40pm, when everyone loves each other and nobody will remember who said what.
It thrives near exits. It has never been seen indoors with chairs.
Identifying Features
- No date attached.
- No location attached.
- Delivered while both parties are already walking away, slightly faster than usual.
- Accompanied by “honestly” or “for real this time,” its camouflage. Nothing said with “honestly” has ever been honest.
“We should hang out sometime” is a plan the way a seed packet is a garden. In a drought.
Common Subspecies
The Lunch Variant. “We should grab lunch.” Lunch remains ungrabbed. Lunch has moved on. Lunch is married now, with a mortgage.
The Group Variant. “We should all get together.” Requires eleven calendars to align. The next time all eleven of you are in one room, someone will be giving a eulogy.
The Reunion Variant. Spotted once every five years. Lays a single “let’s not leave it so long next time,” then vanishes for ten.
How to Approach One
The only known way to turn the phrase into an event is to say a day of the week out loud. This is extremely dangerous. You may hear “Thursday?” and realise you now own an evening, a booking, and the silence when they cancel at 5pm “because work’s mad”.
Most observers simply reply “definitely,” which is both its mating call and its death rattle.
Conservation Status
Thriving. It is not a lie, exactly. Both people mean it, completely, for about four seconds. Then real life eats the four seconds.
Every so often someone brave texts on a Tuesday: “are you free the 14th?” They are not free the 14th. Or the 21st. By March the brave one stops asking, and the friendship is reclassified as “someone I used to know”.
Be that someone, if you like. It changes very little. We should talk about it sometime.