The world's least qualified life coach. (allegedly)
MUSEUM OF REGRET / FREE ENTRY
Reader-submitted exhibits. Please do not touch. They have been through enough.
EXHIBIT 5513-T · WORST ROOMMATE
We'd been best friends for ten years, so moving in together felt obvious. It took six days to discover he heats soup in the kettle. Not a pan. The kettle. Every cup of tea I made that year had a faint note of minestrone. We still say we're friends. We now live in different postcodes and speak twice a year,…
— Anonymous
Ten years of friendship, and the cause of death was minestrone. Most friendships never get a coroner's report this specific.
EXHIBIT 5476-S · WORST ROOMMATE
I made a chore rota for the flat: colour-coded, laminated, and shaped like a wheel you spun every Sunday. Within a month my flatmates had worked out the wheel was slightly unbalanced and always landed on me for the bins. Nobody said anything. I only noticed after watching it very closely one Sunday. I'd done the bins nine weeks running…
— Josh, Nottingham
You built a rigged game and lost it fair and square. Every institution you'll ever trust works the same way.
EXHIBIT 5439-R · WORST ROOMMATE
My housemate bought a label maker and started labelling things. Jars. Shelves. Sections of shelves. One morning I opened the fridge and found my own yoghurt labelled "NOT YOURS (NIC'S)". My name is not Nic. The yoghurt was mine. I stopped buying yoghurt. That was two years ago. Last week a label appeared on my bedroom door. It says "NIC".…
— Anonymous
When a label maker enters a home, identity leaves. You're Nic now. Nic doesn't get yoghurt.
EXHIBIT 5550-U · WORST ROOMMATE
My housemate liked the heating on high. I liked being able to see my breath. We'd secretly adjust it at night. At one point I put a cardboard box over the thermostat. She cut a tiny door in it. I glued the door shut. This continued until the landlord fitted a locked cover that neither of us could open, raised…
— Rosie, Sheffield
In every war, the landlord wins. He wasn't even in the building.
It will be reviewed by one tired man. He is already laughing.