The message reads: “Hey! Can we jump on a quick call? Won’t take long.” It is 4:30pm. You have a train at 5:45. You will not be on it. What follows is a forensic reconstruction, for the inquest.
Minute 0: Joining
You join. Nobody else has joined. You sit alone with your own face, which has visibly aged since the last call. The invite says the link is “the usual one”. You have no usual one. You have a usual dread.
Minute 4: The Audio Phase
“Can you hear me?” “You’re on mute.” “No, you’re on mute.” Four adults with a combined six degrees spend three minutes confirming they still exist. The evidence is weak.
Minute 7: Small Talk
The client discusses their weekend. It involved a garden centre and a second home. You learn the names of several shrubs. You are now billing for shrubs. The shrubs have better job security.
A “quick call” is the only unit of time that expands when observed. Your life does not.
Minute 18: The Actual Point
The client shares the wrong screen. You see their inbox. You see an email titled “Agency review: shortlist”. Your agency is not on the shortlist. You say nothing. They find the right screen. They would like to “talk through some thoughts” with the agency they are quietly firing.
Minute 31: New Person Joins
“I’ve added Dominic. He’s head of brand.” Dominic has not seen the work. Dominic is twenty-six and earns double what you do. Dominic would like to start again from the beginning, “just so I’m up to speed”.
Minute 47: Scope Expansion
“Quick question about the app.” There is no app. There is now an app. There is no budget for the app. There is a deadline.
Minute 63: The Exit
“I’ll let you go.” The client says this four times. Each one is a lie. You watch your train leave on a departures board you opened at minute 52. The next one is cancelled. So is your evening. So, cumulatively, are your thirties.
Minute 64: The Follow-Up
An email arrives. “Thanks for the quick chat! Can we schedule a proper call to go through everything?” It is cc’d to the other agency.