GREAT MUDSWORTH —
A Great Mudsworth couple who spent fourteen months “soft launching” their relationship on social media have broken up before ever revealing each other’s faces.
Over the course of the relationship, followers of Maddie Cresswell, 21, were shown a hand holding a coffee, a sleeve in a car, two plates of pasta, and the back of a man’s head at a concert. Her partner, Reuben, posted a shadow.
“We were building suspense,” Cresswell said. “The hard launch was going to be huge. We had a plan. Matching outfits, golden hour, a song. We were waiting for the right moment.” The right moment did not arrive.
The couple split on Saturday after a disagreement about whose turn it was to post. Neither has announced the break-up, because, as Cresswell put it, “technically nobody knew we were together.”
Friends were left uncertain. “I genuinely thought she was dating a jumper,” said her friend Holly. “It was a nice jumper. I’m sad for the jumper.”
Relationship analyst Dr Simone Fairweather said soft launches had become increasingly long. “The record we’ve seen is three years. The couple got married. The wedding photos were of a hand.”
At press time, Cresswell had posted a photo of a single coffee cup with the caption “new era,” which followers are treating as a soft launch of being single.
This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.