UPPER WIDDLECOMBE —
A group of six friends in Upper Widdlecombe spent three hours and eleven minutes choosing a restaurant on Friday, before booking the same Italian they went to last time and ordering the same food.
The debate began at 3:02pm when Ollie posted “where we eating tonight?” in the group chat. Within an hour, the shortlist had grown to eleven restaurants, two of which had closed in 2021.
A poll was created and ignored. Two vetoes were issued, one against sushi “for reasons I won’t go into” and one against tapas because “I never know how many plates to order and it stresses me out.” Somebody suggested “that place with the nice lights” and nobody could work out which place it was.
At 6:13pm, Hannah wrote “shall we just do Luigi’s,” which was immediately accepted by everyone as if it had been their idea all along.
At the restaurant, all six ordered the same dishes as their previous visit, including one person who had said last time that they would “never get that again.”
Group decision expert Dr Paula Grint said the process was normal. “Three hours of choosing is not about food. It’s a social ritual. The real meal was the arguing we did along the way.”
At press time, the group had started discussing next month’s dinner and had already ruled out tapas.
This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.