GREAT MUDSWORTH —
A Great Mudsworth student who set a 6am alarm to “become that girl” has instead become the girl who snoozed until 11, sources confirmed on Thursday.
Lily Barraclough, 19, prepared for her new morning routine on Sunday night by laying out gym clothes, buying a journal and writing a schedule titled “THAT GIRL ERA 🌅.” The plan included a run, ten minutes of stretching, a green smoothie and “gratitude.”
The alarm went off at 6am. Barraclough pressed snooze. She went on to press it 31 more times, a figure confirmed by her phone, which she said “has been very judgemental about it.”
“I was so close,” Barraclough said. “I opened my eyes at one point and saw the gym clothes. I thought about them. I think that counts as a warm-up.” She woke up properly at 11:04am and made a smoothie, which she described as “a brunch smoothie, which is still elite.”
Sleep researcher Dr Hannah Okoro said dramatic routine changes rarely stick. “Going from 10am to 6am overnight is a shock for the body. Move your alarm fifteen minutes earlier each week, put the phone across the room and be nice to yourself when it goes wrong.”
Barraclough said she would try again on Monday, “with an alarm at 6:15, as a treat.”
At press time, the journal contained a single entry, reading: “Day 1. Tomorrow.”
This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.