The world's least qualified life coach. (allegedly)
ENTRY No. 037OFFICIALLY RECOGNISED BY NOBODY
APPLIES/ tʌtʃ ɡrɑːs /
PHRASE · PRESCRIPTION, NOT INSULT
A way of telling someone they spend too much time online and should go outside and reconnect with the real world. It is usually said when someone is overreacting to something that only matters on the internet.
ZACK’S TRANSLATION
A prescription, not an insult. Side effects include sunlight and remembering you have legs.
“You’ve been arguing with strangers for three hours. Touch grass.”
The strangers are also indoors. Everyone needs grass.
“I touched grass today.”
You took a photo of it. That’s different.
“Need to touch grass after this week.”
The park is open. It’s always been open.
| WHAT THEY SAY | “Go touch grass.” |
|---|---|
| WHAT THEY MEAN | “Get off your phone and go outside.” |
| GROWN-UP VERSION | “Get some fresh air.” |
HOW TOUCH GRASS ARE YOU? (TODAY’S AVERAGE READER, MADE UP)
FIND OUT PROPERLY
DEPT. 03-GZ · 30 SECONDSScreen Time AutopsyA formal post-mortem on the hours you will never get back.BEGIN THE AUTOPSY →RELATED WORDS (ALSO ABOUT YOU)
SLANG CHANGES WEEKLY. THIS PAGE WAS ACCURATE FOR AT LEAST AN AFTERNOON.