Every town in the country has a council meeting that nobody attends. The minutes are published online, in a document format nobody can open, three months after anything could be done about them.
I attended. I was the only resident there. I have the minutes. They are invented, like the council, but you will recognise every line. My notes are in bold.
Item 1: Apologies
Apologies were received from Cllr Hargreaves (holiday), Cllr Bent (“unwell”) and the Head of Highways (in a meeting about meetings).
The apologies were the most sincere thing said all evening.
Item 2: Minutes of the previous meeting
The minutes of Meeting 46 were approved as an accurate record, with one correction: “the bins will be collected weekly” should read “the bins were collected weekly”.
One tense. That’s all it took. Weekly bins, gone, in a grammar correction.
Item 3: Bin collections
The council noted “significant resident feedback” on the move to fortnightly collections. Officers confirmed the feedback had been “listened to”. A councillor asked what had changed as a result. The chair said it was “not helpful to get into specifics”.
Officers proposed moving to a three-weekly collection, described as “an exciting opportunity for residents to reduce, reuse and wait”.
Listening and changing are different things. The council has become world-class at the first one.
Item 4: Mill Lane pothole
The pothole on Mill Lane was reported for the 214th time. Officers confirmed it is “on the list”. Asked where on the list, officers said the list is “dynamic”.
A dynamic list is a list that changes order whenever someone asks where they are on it.
Item 5: Consultation
The council agreed to open a consultation on whether a consultation is needed on the future of the high street. The consultation will run for twelve weeks and be advertised on a noticeboard inside the council offices, which are closed on Fridays.
Item 6: Any other business
A resident (me) asked whether lessons would be learned from the last high street plan. The chair confirmed that lessons “will absolutely be learned”. He did not say which lessons, or by whom, or when. The meeting closed at 8:14pm.
Actions
- Officers to review the review.
- Chair to “look into” the pothole. (Carried over from Meetings 31 to 46.)
- Minutes to be published “in due course”.
The next meeting is in six weeks. The bins are in three.