ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
There's someone out there for everyone.
Yours married someone else in 2019. They look happy.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- They say sweat is weakness leaving the body. Yours has decided to stay.
- Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment. The candles are outnumbering the years…
- You've "romanticised your life". It's a candle, a croissant and a playlist called "main…
- A budget is a list of things you're about to do anyway. Written down…
- The hardest part of working out is getting started. You've made sure it stays…
- Some days you're the pigeon. Most days you're the statue, and nobody remembers who…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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