ESSEX —
Influencer Brayden Holt, 29, has launched an energy drink, announced a professional boxing debut and posted an apology for comments made in a livestream, all in the space of six days, which his management described as “a busy season”.
The drink, called HOLT FUEL, contains 300mg of caffeine, a gram of “focus blend” and a picture of Holt’s face that he described as “the main ingredient”.
The boxing match will take place in a Manchester arena against another influencer, who has also launched a drink. Pundits expect the fight to be close, as neither man has boxed.
The apology, posted in the Notes app, said Holt was “still learning”, “on a journey” and “not perfect”, and invited fans to “see the real me” at the fight, tickets from £89.
A spokesperson for the invented Office for Influencer Affairs said the three announcements were “one announcement in three outfits”. “The drink sells the fight,” she said. “The fight sells the drink. The apology sells both, and buys a fortnight.”
Holt’s fans have defended him online, mostly in the comment section of the drink advert.
He has thanked them. With a discount code.
This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.