ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before you'd finished typing.
The children have requested a second opinion. They'll be getting it in 2041, at their own expense.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You said you're "built different". You're built the same. Just assembled worse.
- Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. Your overdraft found it first.…
- You said you're "so busy" this week. Your screen time says eleven hours a…
- Your Sunday-night plan for Monday was ambitious. Monday read it, laughed, and forwarded it…
- The return to office is completely optional. So was the badge-swipe leaderboard, and yet…
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
- Fortnite was free to play. It was not free to stop.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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