ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "in your villain era".
You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times. Villains have done less damage at a christening.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You are exactly where you're meant to be. That should frighten you more than…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
- Monday motivation is a myth. Like the Loch Ness Monster, a clean office microwave,…
- Your bio says "foodie, traveller, dreamer". You've been abroad once, and you still talk…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You said "it's giving" about your own life. It's giving overdraft. It's giving rent…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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