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The Sadist Times

SATIRE · THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL

SADIST TIMES / Self-HelpFILE No. 2742-Q

LIFE COACH’S OWN LIFE PLACED INTO ADMINISTRATION; COACH CALLS IT “A PIVOT”

Creditors say they were "not ready for his energy".

A life coach whose programme promised “total life mastery in 90 days” has had his own life placed into administration, which he has described to clients as “a strategic pivot”.

Brayden Vance-Ascend, 34, founder of the invented Peak State Academy, said the administrators were “aligned with his journey” and that being declared insolvent was “the universe clearing space for abundance”.

Administrators confirmed they had found assets including a ring light, 400 unsold copies of a journal called UNSTOPPABLE and a leased Range Rover that “has been parked outside a different man’s house since March”.

Despite the proceedings, Mr Vance-Ascend has launched a new course, FROM BROKE TO BREAKTHROUGH, which will teach clients how to recover from financial collapse. It costs £1,997. He has not completed the course.

“Every great founder has failed,” he told 6,000 followers in a video filmed in his car. “This is my failure era. Swipe up for the early-bird price.”

One former client said the programme had “genuinely changed her life”, in that she had £2,000 less in it.

The administrators said they would be selling the brand name, the mailing list and a framed poster that reads “BELIEVE”. Bids have so far reached £11.

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This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.

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