ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Being a parent means eating cold crusts standing up and calling it dinner.
You'll eat standing up for eighteen years. Then sit down and forget how.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Consistency is key. You've said "I'll go tomorrow" for three years. It's the only…
- Your teenager isn't ignoring everyone. Just you. You're saved in their phone as "Do…
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- You're "so random". You've told the same "so random" story at every party since…
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- Work smarter, not harder. You've chosen neither, and HR has a folder.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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