ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You say you're "an old soul".
You're 21. The only old thing about you is your phone's battery health.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Wisdom comes with age. So does standing on the landing with no idea why…
- You film "Sunday reset" videos. By Tuesday your room has reset itself, to Saturday.
- Nobody has ever said "thank goodness it's Monday". Except a manager, and he meant…
- You flipped a water bottle on Monday morning just to feel something. It landed.…
- "It's only Monday" is the most threatening sentence in English. It will be only…
- You don't have a spending problem. You have an income problem, and it's terminal.
- You said you'd "touch grass" this weekend. You took a photo of grass, posted…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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