ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Everyone's bringing back the dog filter.
Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look on its own since March, and it doesn't come off when you close the app.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- Monday has its own support group. The group is everyone. The meetings are also…
- Your 47 open tabs are an accurate map of your inner life. Someone will…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
- "We should get dinner sometime" is a beautiful promise. One of you will die…
- You did the Mannequin Challenge again for old times' sake. The standing still was…
- The house will be tidy again one day. The day they move out. Tidy,…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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