Fortnite was free to play.
It was not free to stop.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
ABOUT THE GAMING FILE
Gaming quotes, for anyone whose backlog will outlive them.
Quotes for the battle pass you bought on day one, the sale that added 41 games to a library you will never finish, and the match that was meant to be your last one at 11pm. Zack has read the patch notes. He has also seen the shop. He would like a word with the shop.
MORE FROM THE GAMING FILE
- 01You pre-ordered it for the cape.The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- 02You bought 41 games in the Steam sale.You will play two. The other 39 will outlive you.
- 03The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
- 04“Just one more game” of FIFA was the most dishonest sentence in the English language.Then they renamed it. The sentence survived.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
Keep falling.
It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001
1 in 6
people have rehearsed an argument in the shower. All of them won. In real life, all of them said "fair enough."
SOURCE: HYPOTHETICAL DEBATE LEAGUE
THE SADIST TIMES · GEN ZREAD →
LOCAL MAN WAITS 9 MINUTES TO REPLY TO SEEM BUSY, IS LYING IN THE DARK
Man spent the nine minutes staring at the message, then at the ceiling, then at the message again.
INTERACTIVE · 30 SECONDSTOOL
Court of Bad Decisions
Put your next plan on trial. The verdict is guilty. The sentence is specific.
PLEAD YOUR CASE →QUOTE · FITNESSNo. 004
Your fitness journey started on the second of January.
It ended on the fourth. The trainers still have the tags on.
BAD ADVICENo. 005
How to Get Promoted (You Won't)
- Do excellent work for four years.
- Train the new hire, because you're "so good with people."
- Watch the new hire become your manager.
QUOTE · GAMINGNo. 006
The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.
Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007
The Queue App
I built an app where you could pay someone to stand in a queue for you. Lovely idea. In practice I was the only…
CONFESSED BY DEV, CROYDON
QUOTE · GAMINGNo. 008
You pre-ordered it for the cape.
The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…
you could stop. you won’t.
ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.
Newsletter / Issue No. 444
THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT
One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.
No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.