“Just one more game” of FIFA was the most dishonest sentence in the English language.
Then they renamed it. The sentence survived.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
ABOUT THE GAMING FILE
Gaming quotes, for anyone whose backlog will outlive them.
Quotes for the battle pass you bought on day one, the sale that added 41 games to a library you will never finish, and the match that was meant to be your last one at 11pm. Zack has read the patch notes. He has also seen the shop. He would like a word with the shop.
MORE FROM THE GAMING FILE
- 01Fortnite was free to play.It was not free to stop.
- 02You pre-ordered it for the cape.The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- 03You bought 41 games in the Steam sale.You will play two. The other 39 will outlive you.
- 04The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
Keep falling.
It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001
1 in 6
people have rehearsed an argument in the shower. All of them won. In real life, all of them said "fair enough."
SOURCE: HYPOTHETICAL DEBATE LEAGUE
THE SADIST TIMES · GEN ZREAD →
MAN, 24, TREATS 'OPENING AN EMAIL' AS A SELF-CARE MILESTONE, BOOKS DAY OFF TO RECOVER
The email, from his dentist, confirmed an appointment he had already missed.
GENZ · 60 SECONDSTOOL
The Delulu Detector
Type your plan. Get a delulu score and the exact distance between you and reality.
MEASURE MY DELULU →QUOTE · PARENTINGNo. 004
"It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years.
You're the phase they'll describe to a therapist.
BAD ADVICENo. 005
How to Save Money Before Something Breaks
- Open a savings account with a motivational name like "Future Me."
- Transfer a sensible amount into it.
- Feel financially competent for nine days.
QUOTE · WORKNo. 006
Nobody notices when you do your job well.
Everyone notices when you leave at 5:01. Your retirement will get a shorter email.
HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007
The Wrong Window
I'd been using a chatbot all morning to help write a firm-but-polite email to my landlord. I was also messaging my sister. I meant…
CONFESSED BY RACHEL, NORWICH
QUOTE · MONEYNo. 008
Wealth is built slowly.
Debt is built quickly. And it's hereditary.
LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…
you could stop. you won’t.
ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.
Newsletter / Issue No. 444
THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT
One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.
No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.