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THE DEMOTIVATION FILES / 229 QUOTES / FILED BY MOOD

Demotivational quotes, filed by what’s wrong with you.

Every quote Zack has written, sorted into files, because a pile was too hopeful. Pick the part of your life that hurts most. There is a file for it. There is always a file for it.

WORK FILE · 20 Work quotes For anyone whose Monday started on Sunday night. “Hard work pays off eventually.” OPEN THE FILE → MONEY FILE · 20 Money quotes For anyone whose banking app pauses before it opens. “Money can't buy happiness.” OPEN THE FILE → LOVE FILE · 20 Love quotes For anyone who has rewritten “hey” nine times. “There's someone out there for everyone.” OPEN THE FILE → AGING FILE · 18 Aging quotes For anyone who now says “oof” when they sit down. “Age is just a number.” OPEN THE FILE → MONDAY FILE · 17 Monday quotes For anyone whose alarm isn’t what woke them up. “Monday is a perfectly normal day.” OPEN THE FILE → LIFE FILE · 20 Life quotes For anyone whose 47 open tabs are a map of their soul. “Everything happens for a reason.” OPEN THE FILE → BUSINESS FILE · 17 Business quotes For anyone whose startup is one person with a logo. “Think outside the box.” OPEN THE FILE → FITNESS FILE · 17 Fitness quotes For anyone whose gym membership is mostly guilt. “No pain, no gain.” OPEN THE FILE → PARENTING FILE · 15 Parenting quotes For anyone who just said “because I said so”. “Children are a blessing.” OPEN THE FILE → GEN Z FILE · 60 Gen Z quotes For anyone who said “this is my year” in 2019. “You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to something.” OPEN THE FILE → GAMING FILE · 5 Gaming quotes For anyone whose backlog will outlive them. “You bought 41 games in the Steam sale.” OPEN THE FILE →

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED

Keep falling.

It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.

COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001

48%

of smart speakers are mainly used to ask about the weather while standing next to a window. The other 52% just listen. Constantly. Taking notes.

SOURCE: HOME TECHNOLOGY POINTLESSNESS SURVEY (SPONSORED BY THE SPEAKER)

THE SADIST TIMES · GEN ZREAD →

STUDY: 9 IN 10 'QUICK QUESTIONS' IN GROUP CHATS ARE NEITHER QUICK NOR A QUESTION

Average “quick question” found to run to 340 words, two voice notes and an unrelated screenshot.

GENZ · 90 SECONDSTOOL

Make Your Character

Twelve questions, one trading card, six stats. Your stats are not good, bestie.

MAKE YOURS →

QUOTE · LOVENo. 004

Don't settle.

Your standards already have. They didn't tell you.

BAD ADVICENo. 005

How to Use AI to Do Your Job Until It Does It Without You

  1. Ask the AI to write your report.
  2. Receive a confident, well-formatted report.
  3. Notice it has invented a colleague named Gerald.

QUOTE · AGINGNo. 006

A good night out now means home by ten.

Nobody had to come and get you. Nobody offered.

HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007

Human Intelligence

I noticed people were fed up with chatbots, so I launched a service called RealPerson, where you message and a genuine human answers. The…

CONFESSED BY OWEN, CARDIFF

QUOTE · LIFENo. 008

Everything happens for a reason.

The reason is you. It's always been you.

LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…

you could stop. you won’t.

ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.

Newsletter / Issue No. 444

THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT

One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.

No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.