GREAT MUDSWORTH —
Great Mudsworth Council has launched a twelve-week public consultation on whether it should hold a public consultation on the future of the high street.
The consultation asks residents a single question: “Would you like to be consulted?” Answers can be submitted online, by post, or in person at the council offices, which are open on Tuesdays and Thursdays, except bank holidays and “during staff training”.
The council said the approach would “ensure residents’ voices are heard at the earliest possible stage”. Critics pointed out that the previous high street consultation, in 2022, received 14 responses, nine of which were about parking.
“We’ll get the results of this one in spring,” said a council officer. “Then, if residents say yes, we’ll consult them properly. That will take another year. Then we’ll analyse the findings. Then there’ll be an election. Then we’ll start again.”
A spokesperson for the invented Office for Promises Not Kept said consultations allow councils to delay decisions while appearing to listen. “The perfect consultation never ends,” he said. “If it ended, someone might have to do something.”
The high street lost two more shops this month.
Both were asked for their views.
This article is satire. The people, places, quotes and studies described are fictional.