ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your fitness app's AI coach called a four-minute walk "incredible progress".
It said the same when you opened it by accident. It'll keep saying it after you've gone, if nobody cancels the subscription.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- It's not a career ladder. It's a hamster wheel. The hamster has a LinkedIn…
- Roblox was free. The hat was £4.99. The sword was “everyone has one”.
- Till death do us part. Not a vow. A fixed-term contract with an unspecified…
- You deleted the app "for good". That was 40 minutes ago. You've reinstalled it…
- Consistency is key. You've said "I'll go tomorrow" for three years. It's the only…
- Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment. The candles are outnumbering the years…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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