ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
"It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years.
You're the phase they'll describe to a therapist.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- You can do anything you set your mind to. Your mind has set itself…
- Micro-dating is a thirty-minute coffee to see if there's a spark. There wasn't. She…
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- “I'm here for the right reasons.” The reasons are a teeth-whitening deal and a…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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