ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
“I'm here for the right reasons.”
The reasons are a teeth-whitening deal and a fake tan.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- A budget is a list of things you're about to do anyway. Written down…
- Teamwork makes the dream work. It also means six people are ready to blame…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Your step counter used to set goals. Now it just sends "Hello?" like a…
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
- Your desk plant is the only thing in the office still growing. When you…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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