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ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED

DAILY DEMOTIVATION

A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.

ARCHIVED DEMOTIVATION THURSDAY, 10 OCTOBER 2013
You typed "speak to an agent" nine times.
The bot sent you a help article about speaking to agents. The agents were let go in March.

— Zack, unqualified

VERIFIED
UNHELPFUL

PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE

  1. The update is 200GB. Your free afternoon was smaller.
  2. "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
  3. A budget is a list of things you're about to do anyway. Written down…
  4. Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
  5. You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
  6. You went "no contact" with your ex. You still check their Spotify. They're listening…
  7. You're "on a gap year". It's your third.

THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR

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Newsletter / Issue No. 445

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