ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You swore you'd never sound like your parents.
You just said "because I said so" in your dad's exact voice. He lives in you now.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Kids grow up so fast. Except between 5pm and bedtime, when time stops and…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- You typed "speak to an agent" nine times. The bot sent you a help…
- The update is 200GB. Your free afternoon was smaller.
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- A budget is a list of things you're about to do anyway. Written down…
- Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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