ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Monday is a core collaboration day. As, it turns out, is every day ending in y, right up until the all-hands where they mention you in the past tense.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "can't do mornings". You also can't do afternoons, evenings or emails.
- You said "my For You page knows me so well". It knows you're awake…
- You can do anything you set your mind to. Your mind has set itself…
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up was optional. You ticked "later". This is later.…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- You don't have a spending problem. You have an income problem, and it's terminal.
- You flipped a water bottle on Monday morning just to feel something. It landed.…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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