ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "chronically online".
Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have a loading icon.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You took it…
- Love is patient. Your partner is not, and has started a note on their…
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment. The candles are outnumbering the years…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- Your fitness app's AI coach called a four-minute walk "incredible progress". It said the…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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