ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You say you're "an old soul".
You're 21. The only old thing about you is your phone's battery health.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Listen to your body. It's asking for a biscuit and a lie-down. It's been…
- Your inbox reached zero once. The server was down. You were briefly free and…
- You said you're "built different". You're built the same. Just assembled worse.
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- Every Monday you swear this week will be different. You've sworn it nine hundred…
- The pothole is on the list. The list is dynamic. The pothole is permanent.
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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