ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You have an eleven-step skincare routine.
Your sleep schedule has none. The serum is doing its best. It isn't a miracle worker.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You got the ick because they ran for a bus. You've been single three…
- The hardest part of working out is getting started. You've made sure it stays…
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
- The retirement age goes up a year every time you check. It's not a…
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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