ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Monday morning has the energy of a printer that knows you're in a hurry.
The printer has better job security.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Love yourself first. Someone has to, and nobody else applied.
- Your financial advisor is a spreadsheet you opened once in January. It's been screaming…
- There's someone out there for everyone. Yours married someone else in 2019. They look…
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. Also pay the mortgage when the baby pays the…
- Somebody, somewhere, is checking their phone hoping it's you. It's a debt collector.
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- You say "it's not that deep" a lot. Your Notes app has 300 entries…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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