ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Kids grow up so fast.
Except between 5pm and bedtime, when time stops and you age a decade.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Every parent has a favourite child. It's whichever one isn't currently talking.
- You've "been meaning to" for three years. The thing you meant to do has…
- You "speak your truth". Your truth is mostly about the bin rota.
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- You don't skip leg day. You skip every day. The legs know. The legs…
- The award show ran four hours. The only winner was the advert break.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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