ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You received 40 fundraising texts today.
Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The best time to start saving was twenty years ago. The second-best time was…
- Mistakes were made. The Notes app has never once said by whom.
- You're "on a gap year". It's your third.
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- Your out-of-office reply is the most confident thing you wrote all year. Nobody noticed…
- The in-office lunch is optional. The man with the clipboard and no sandwich is…
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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