ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
- You deleted the app "for good". That was 40 minutes ago. You've reinstalled it…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- You have an eleven-step skincare routine. Your sleep schedule has none. The serum is…
- Love yourself first. Someone has to, and nobody else applied.
- Your company's core values are printed on the wall. So nobody has to have…
- Everything happens for a reason. The reason is you. It's always been you.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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