ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Nothing says adulthood like being excited about a new kettle.
The kettle will outlast the excitement. Possibly you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
- Monday is a perfectly normal day. You've got about two thousand more of them.…
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- You hyped your mate's mixtape. You've never listened to it. Neither has anyone. Including…
- Romance isn't dead. It just stopped waiting for a reply to your "hey" from…
- There's someone out there for everyone. Yours married someone else in 2019. They look…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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