ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.
They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- You "love deeply". Mostly a fictional man who doesn't know you exist. Neither do…
- Your 47 open tabs are an accurate map of your inner life. Someone will…
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- Your financial advisor is a spreadsheet you opened once in January. It's been screaming…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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