ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
“I'm here for the right reasons.”
The reasons are a teeth-whitening deal and a fake tan.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
- Being a parent means eating cold crusts standing up and calling it dinner. You'll…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- You don't have a type. You have a pattern. Your friends have a group…
- Start the week strong. Or at 9:14, camera off, pretending your face is a…
- You're "healing your inner child". Your inner child is fine. It's your outer adult…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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