ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
There's someone out there for everyone.
Yours married someone else in 2019. They look happy.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Some days you're the pigeon. Most days you're the statue, and nobody remembers who…
- You're "manifesting abundance". The only thing abundant is your payment reminders.
- You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- Quality family time: everyone on a different screen in the same room, harvested by…
- Someone laminated an "Acceptable Behaviour" poster for the office kitchen. It will still be…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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