ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your 5am routine went viral.
You did it once, filmed it, and have slept until 11 every day since. The algorithm doesn't know. Your landlord does.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- Every relationship has a honeymoon period. Yours was the walk from the bar to…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
- You're "manifesting abundance". The only thing abundant is your payment reminders.
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up was optional. You ticked "later". This is later.…
- Everyone's bringing back the dog filter. Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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