ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The first email you open on Monday is a reply-all from Friday.
Forty replies. Four mention you. None kindly.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "can't do mornings". You also can't do afternoons, evenings or emails.
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- Quality family time: everyone on a different screen in the same room, harvested by…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Inside every older person is a younger person. The younger person is furious about…
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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