ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You call yourself "a bit of a foodie".
You've ordered the same chicken 64 times this year. The driver knows your dog's name.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Not all who wander are lost. You are. The map gave up.
- Things will look better in the morning. No. They'll just be better lit.
- The first email you open on Monday is a reply-all from Friday. Forty replies.…
- You "can't do mornings". You also can't do afternoons, evenings or emails.
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- Quality family time: everyone on a different screen in the same room, harvested by…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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