ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "in your villain era".
You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times. Villains have done less damage at a christening.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- Move fast and break things. You broke the coffee machine, the budget and your…
- You "romanticise studying". You've filmed it, lit it and soundtracked it. You haven't studied.
- Your fitness journey started on the second of January. It ended on the fourth.…
- They say sweat is weakness leaving the body. Yours has decided to stay.
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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