ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Inside every older person is a younger person.
The younger person is furious about the knees.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- "Let's take this offline" means "let's never speak of this again." That's also the…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- Your startup is an app that replaces a phone call. With a waitlist, a…
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- You've "romanticised your life". It's a candle, a croissant and a playlist called "main…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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